That’s Not Guacamole: Sexism and Diaper Blowouts   Recently updated !

My sister Lisa and her family were visiting from Iowa for Thanksgiving. Given that November in Iowa is about as pleasant as a colonoscopy, she wanted to take advantage of San Diego’s weather and beaches as much as possible. Given the fact that just about everyone of our generation is […]

That's not guacamole!

If only Preller had traded for the OG Gerardo Reyes.

AJ Preller’s Race to Mediocrity

AJ Preller reminds me of my oldest son. Whenever he gets money, he invariably dreams aloud of saving up for some big-ticket purchase item. Yet he always spends the money at the first store he is taken to. His mother took him with her to Victoria’s Secret two days after […]


Tom Brady Unveils New Naughty Ad Campaign for NFL Playoffs   Recently updated !

Boston– Tom Brady’s managing company, Envy My Life, announced a new marketing campaign to commemorate the Patriots’ Super Bowl run last year. “Partnering with a new up-and-coming brand like this is what sets Tom apart,” said Beaty Hunter of the firm. According to Hunter, “The Patriot Penis Pump is the […]

Uniting his sex appeal with his villainy, Tom Brady unveiled his latest marketing venture.

Squid mouth or anus?
(Squid mouth.)

Worse Job: Bleaching Assholes or Proctology?   Recently updated !

There are many timeless questions: What is the meaning of life? What is love? Is there a God? What is worse, bleaching assholes for a living or inspecting the blown out colons of fat old men? Worse Job is where we analyze two jobs and come to an informed critical […]


A Bearded Face Covers Your Butterface

Women. Not only are they only worth 77 cents for every dollar a man is worth, but they also typically suffer from facial hair deficiency. And if they don’t suffer from this genetic deficiency, it’s generally not smiled upon. But rejoice, men! If you’re not exactly handsome, just let those […]

This man is hideous!

Paul Verlaine

Bring in the Clowns: Arrested Development Returns

Charley Douglass can rot in hell. The inventor of the laugh track has been helping idiots to know when to laugh at stuff that’s really not funny for years now. And if you watch a comedy show with a laugh track, you should feel personally insulted by the attempt to […]


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Deftones Rule!!’

From their 8th studio album, Deftones never disappoint!! (Koi no Yokan), which means “Premonition Of Love” has all the elements of a kick-ass rock album, dynamics, aggression, refrain and passion. We recommend you listen to this album in the following manner: Pour yourself a tall glass of 18 year-old Scotch […]


Why Chuck Norris…Why?

There really aren’t many words of meaning used to describe what Chuck Norris looks like without a beard. But his hands keep trying to strangle him in his sleep and they consistently punch him in the dick every hour. When asked what it feels like to no longer have a […]

It feels like a pussy!!

Eye of the Beard

Spring on the Beardos

This coming weekend, Beards and Bellies will be embarking on its first pilgrimage to the Arizona desert in search of his Beardedness, Sir Brian Wilson. With Spring Training in full swing, thousands will flock to Scottsdale, AZ to catch spring fever and just get shit-faced blathering on about stats, ERA’s, […]